My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
