Already got asked if we're dating
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
