This is the prime rib incident all over again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
