She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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