he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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