I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
