I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
