I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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