mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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