Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
