I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
