Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
