One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
