fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
