Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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