I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
