One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
BRING THE BAGELS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
