when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
