i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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