I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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