I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
