thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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