i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
