That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
