my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
