it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize