I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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