Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
