really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
