In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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