just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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