Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
