I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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