Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance