Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(316): View more from Kansas

sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.

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(316): sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe. http://tfl.nu/nxxv

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(914): View more from New York

i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

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(914): i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/n2ms

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(802): View more from Vermont

good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...

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(802): good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy... http://tfl.nu/0srz

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(801): View more from Utah

She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.

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(801): She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid. http://tfl.nu/lqbk

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(561): View more from Florida

new revelation: five guys for breakfast

(561): View more from Florida

new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation

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(561): new revelation: five guys for breakfast (561): new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation http://tfl.nu/4ic9

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(310): View more from California

Slut skills are useful in every country.

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(310): Slut skills are useful in every country. http://tfl.nu/pvtq

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is

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(614): Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is http://tfl.nu/l5nn

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(770): View more from Georgia

At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

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(770): At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it. http://tfl.nu/bg9a

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt

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(814): I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt http://tfl.nu/8loq

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.

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(978): I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them. http://tfl.nu/nsss

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(325): View more from Texas

I fcuked ip.

(214): View more from Texas

Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

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(325): I fcuked ip. (214): Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge? http://tfl.nu/167p

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(707): View more from California

After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.

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(707): After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing. http://tfl.nu/fnd4

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(319): View more from Iowa

Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

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(319): Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/l6fh

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.

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(832): I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me. http://tfl.nu/6e6y

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(805): View more from California

I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.

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(805): I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore. http://tfl.nu/x6ui

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