i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever