Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.