it wasn't lemon gatorade
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him