Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

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  (202): Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain. http://tfl.nu/eu7i
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (521)
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  (518): View more from New York

  After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"

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  (518): After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you" http://tfl.nu/k4ce
  Replies (42) Good night (1345) Bad night (6696)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

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  (843): I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/atu5
  Replies (16) Good night (5810) Bad night (589)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.

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  (330): I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes. http://tfl.nu/ahu2
  Replies (32) Good night (4504) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?

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  (508): Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"? http://tfl.nu/9ial
  Replies (29) Good night (975) Bad night (2882)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM

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  (917): I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM http://tfl.nu/bjwa
  Replies (5) Good night (3058) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  anything for my little brother.

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  (440): thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet. (440): anything for my little brother. http://tfl.nu/0dq6
  Replies (6) Good night (5017) Bad night (790)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms

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  (248): Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms http://tfl.nu/jxub
  Replies (4) Good night (3403) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.

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  (904): I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really. http://tfl.nu/399x
  Replies (4) Good night (1380) Bad night (460)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up

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  (270): Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up http://tfl.nu/1xaw
  Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  How small IS your cock?

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  (315): Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing. (1-315): How small IS your cock? http://tfl.nu/y2pr
  Replies (6) Good night (1554) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!

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  (563): So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes! http://tfl.nu/5w2r
  Replies (5) Good night (1675) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.

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  (724): If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant. http://tfl.nu/s61d
  Replies (1) Good night (1163) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.

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  (985): We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects. http://tfl.nu/f5x4
  Replies (3) Good night (279) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is

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  (+44): I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/babg
  Replies (1) Good night (624) Bad night (194)

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