i would punch a child for taco bell
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
