I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
