i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
