I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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