Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
