How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
