everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
