I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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