i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
