She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
