How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You've changed since you got that strap on
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