I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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