Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let's get the cat blown out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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