You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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