I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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