So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
