Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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