who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
