sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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