So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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