she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.