Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"

(1-916): View more from California

High five!

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(916): Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?" (1-916): High five! http://tfl.nu/3w1i

Replies (2) Good night (2676) Bad night (546)
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(949): View more from California

okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

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(949): okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong? http://tfl.nu/d7ju

Replies (48) Good night (1773) Bad night (4713)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

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(715): I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead. http://tfl.nu/jayy

Replies (19) Good night (1830) Bad night (3850)
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(616): View more from Michigan

You are an asshole

(574): View more from Indiana

haha sleeping beauty awakes.

(616): View more from Michigan

Where did you find this costume?

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(616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai

Replies (32) Good night (12573) Bad night (1021)
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(904): View more from Florida

5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.

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(904): 5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal. http://tfl.nu/ja8n

Replies (25) Good night (3041) Bad night (713)
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(847): View more from Illinois

i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

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(847): i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house. (1-847): that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect. http://tfl.nu/7r4g

Replies (25) Good night (8064) Bad night (1007)
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(714): View more from California

He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.

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(714): He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later. http://tfl.nu/n2z7

Replies (10) Good night (1056) Bad night (3639)
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(407): View more from Florida

Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

(1-407): View more from Florida

Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

(407): View more from Florida

Bro? You just made it a target.

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(407): Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy. (1-407): Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far. (407): Bro? You just made it a target. http://tfl.nu/0hg2

Replies (8) Good night (2436) Bad night (1054)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.

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(505): She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max. http://tfl.nu/42dn

Replies (11) Good night (1273) Bad night (2130)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day

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(404): I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day http://tfl.nu/nvho

Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (857)
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(806): View more from Texas

He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

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(806): He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/inpn

Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (685)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.

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(978): Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman. http://tfl.nu/t3af

Replies (2) Good night (979) Bad night (401)
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(925): View more from California

I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission

(925): View more from California

Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol

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(925): I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission (925): Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol http://tfl.nu/zmin

Replies (10) Good night (1927) Bad night (568)
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(281): View more from Texas

She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!

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(281): She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave! http://tfl.nu/tzuo

Replies (12) Good night (1016) Bad night (614)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.

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(412): I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause. http://tfl.nu/76t1

Replies (3) Good night (1391) Bad night (507)

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