3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.