She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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