the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."