Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it

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  (202): Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it http://tfl.nu/1l0l
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (760)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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  (484): Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd. http://tfl.nu/wjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (3695) Bad night (1150)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.

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  (917): still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v49x
  Replies (6) Good night (1108) Bad night (3704)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8574) Bad night (1657)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.

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  (507): I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER. http://tfl.nu/g7c4
  Replies (20) Good night (5515) Bad night (1349)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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  (215): I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract http://tfl.nu/jt8l
  Replies (2) Good night (2334) Bad night (892)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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  (319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen
  Replies (10) Good night (3612) Bad night (1300)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.

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  (618): I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed. http://tfl.nu/50l6
  Replies (11) Good night (6911) Bad night (951)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.

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  (918): I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can. http://tfl.nu/4vuk
  Replies (4) Good night (1156) Bad night (2640)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov

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  (610): My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov http://tfl.nu/bb85
  Replies (7) Good night (962) Bad night (808)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her

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  (856): and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her http://tfl.nu/d5zb
  Replies (2) Good night (1626) Bad night (523)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.

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  (703): Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic. http://tfl.nu/bmqq
  Replies (11) Good night (1391) Bad night (441)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them

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  (608): just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them http://tfl.nu/tyvr
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (338)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS

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  (609): Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS http://tfl.nu/rllj
  Replies (3) Good night (363) Bad night (596)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.

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  (215): Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke. http://tfl.nu/g0ji
  Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (257)

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