Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake