Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life