you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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