Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
