shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
