oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
