I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
