i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
