last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
