Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
