Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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