that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The best revenge is premature balding
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His hands were made for my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
