He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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