walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
