Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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