She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one