I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize