well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
