Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
