the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they need to just BURY HIM!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
