i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
