I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
